onebelowallisntokayandhasameaninglessupdate

i dont think im okay
i really dont know what this feeling is but its kind of like hovering in space, i feel free but i feel so enclosed. nothing exciting happens in my life. only weird bullshit. ive been rotting on discord most of the time and playing the only thing i enjoy. its not like im doing terrible or that im depressed its just i can feel my mannerisms and the way i talk to people changing. i grow more introverted by the day and i dont really like talking all that much anymore atleast yelling out and being energetic. and you can call that maturing but if you know me you know i am pretty mature when it comes to it. im getting more introverted and i know it. i feel like shutting myself in my room and just bullshitting with my homeboys and do nothing and just rip my nic to allah. this dopamine chase for anything to get me laugh is insufferable. i dont want to be bored anymore. i want to go and do something but i cant because im stuck in this room all day and i cant go out like that. i tripped again on acid and it made me feel the best i have in awhile or more exactly the last time i took acid. lucy is my love and lucy is my light. whenever i take it my thoughts internalize into my plushies to be honest and talk to me but im not thinking it they are speaking it into my brain. speaking of that, people say i just gained a consciousness but i swear this inner voice isnt my consciousness. its like a angel that dwelles in my mind and feeds me information and guides me. and i have a consciousness. ive always had one but this one i talk to in my head. its different i know it is. i have no drive to do anything but drone and just wait for the day to be over so i can sleep because sleep is so good but so horrible. i hate sleeping but its so comfortable.this is a combination of random pent up thoughts ive had in these past months.

*— the afterthought —*
I'm not crazy, well, maybe just a little bit
Check my swag, it's super sick
She likes my posts, she likes my pics
I'm so edgy but everybody wants me
Livestream my suicide, burn it on your CD

I don't really wanna go right now
I just really wanna die right now
Nothing for me on this Earth
I've been fucked up since my birth